Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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