I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
