you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
