I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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