I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
