you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
