he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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