are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
