M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
