i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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