How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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