No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
