Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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