he thought i was a dude.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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