i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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