This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
