A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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