If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
