It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
