some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize