I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
