I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Say something about gay babies.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
