...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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