the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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