Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
