We won't sleep together?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
