I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
