worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
