Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
