the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
