I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
