I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The adults are the big ones right?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
