you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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