I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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