lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
