Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Pants are for mortals
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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