You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
