Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
