You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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