Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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