In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
