how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
