can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
