If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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