Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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