Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize