Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
