We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
