dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
