That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize