Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He better not be in your backpack
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
