the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize