I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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