the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Randomize
