Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
