dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
