I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
