I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
