You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
