When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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