It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Randomize
