So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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