I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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