there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
