I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
