When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
