Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
