He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
