Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize