Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Four minutes until I can fart!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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