I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
