i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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