Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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