Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
