apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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