Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
