I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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