At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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