did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
