she was so not down for the gang bang
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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